Wow.

Stuff like this actually exist.

Makes me a little sick to my stomach.

Yellow Fever. Stereotyping Asian women as exotic, sex objects. Commodification of ethnicity into fetish. Post-colonial era sexual conquest fantasties. Disenfranchising of Asian males. Wow, it’s all here.

http://www.meetingasianwomen.com/ 

And someone’s making money off of this?

I used to joke that I had an Asian fetish. But I think I’m gonna stop, because somehow that makes light of a horrific mentality that’s somehow considered normal within our society.

Hello? Hello? Does anyone still read this thing?

Darn it, have I abandoned another perfectly good blog again?

It’s that facebook, I tell ya. Who reads blogs anymore when you can just find out what I’m up to on that oh-so-wonderful facebook.

Finding old friends on facebook. Wow! Ain’t it great? Don’t you love it? Isn’t it amazing to see how fat everyone’s gotten? Or how bald? Or how incredibly lame? Ha ha! Oh my. It’s fun to see who’s still fighting hard, who’s sold out, and who’s taken on the mantle of family. I dig it.

But what I don’t dig is having to rehash my last 10 years for everyone. So, imma just gonna do it here, ya hear? Here’s the truth of what I’ve been up to for the last 10 to 15 years since high school.

——————————————————————-

the teddy story, or at least what i remember so far

• Went to Johns Hopkins. Got skinny. Played around with drugs. Made a bunch of silly student films at NYU. Worked as a PA/Intern on various film sets. Got really, really, like crazy-really into the rave scene for a second, you know with the baggy pants and everything. Got some metal in my face. Some more silly tattoos. Met some really amazing people that I’m down with for life. Discovered and recovered from the whole Jungle and Drum and Bass thing. Met a girl that I eventually married. Started a film festival. Became a vegetarian. Went to the magical world of Amsterdam for the first time. Started on that journey to learn each and every single thing about hip-hop. Went to Hong Kong for a while to finish shooting a crappy film that I never finished. Went to Austin for a bit to shoot another silly film that really, really sucked, but I sho nuff did learn a lot from the process. Eventually graduated on the 4.5 year plan.

Hey, it’s me in college!

• Moved to NYC for the hot, hot dot com boom. Worked my first real job at Alltrue, shady little webstie that thought it could take over the world doing what YouTube is doing now, only back in 2000. Got really into the NYC yuppie life: expensive dinners, fine green, gym memberships, clubbing til 4AM, trendy spots for brunch, designer yoga studios, scoping out cheap, authentic ethnic diners, blowing cash for no reason. Went to Amsterdam again, this time with a judge’s pass for the cannabis cup.
• After 9/11, started to seriously think about what the hell I was doing with my life. Helped out with some film festivals after Alltrue died. Got married. Joined the Teaching Fellows and became a middle school teacher. Went through the toughest year of my life, teaching year 1 at I.S. 318 in Brooklyn. Got more into the green to survive. Met my fellow teaching cohort, who I’m bonded to for life. Learned a whole lot about myself, what I believe, how to exert my authority, how to stand up for what I believe in, all that good stuff. Went to Vegas for the best week of my life, nothing but snowboarding, sports, buffets, and beer. Learned how to live in NYC on a teacher’s salary, realizing it’s more fun without the stupid, expensive brunches and $20 cover clubs. Bought a little 1 bedroom condo in Queens. During renovations, started questioning my marriage. Got a masters degree from St. John’s in Queens. Realized that I liked life when it was busy and poor much more than when I was rich and had time to kill. Discovered Pi Day! Separated from my wife and started the long process known as divorce. Started long-distance running. Starting dating in the real world for the first time in my life. Went to Amsterdam for the last time to mourn the death of our life together. Gave up the green. Got a shady yoga certification that taught me a lot about yoga, ayurveda, and my own body. Met a girl that I almost married, but if it weren’t for that fact that I was still married. Went to Japan on a teacher exchange and really started to realize that, hey, you know what, I’m pretty darn good at this education thing.
• Moved to Austin to start a doctorate in mathematics education. Ran two marathons. Found Jesus, for real this time. Reinvented myself as a former teacher, had to stop expecting kids to stop talking just because I’m telling them to. Finally got divorced. Bought a nice, little apartment in Austin. Dated wonderful people that I shouldn’t have. Embraced chastity. Got a new tattoo on my back. Established a daily yoga practice for the first time and realized how much it really opened my whole body and mind up. Slowly came to the realization that I live in Texas. Embraced education research slowly, realizing that it was finally time to grow up and do real work for a living. Met the coolest girl in the world and realized that true love really does just kind of happen. Got fat on all the wonderful and cheap texas food and beer. Met some awesome fellow doctoral students and mentors that made me realize that I’m actually kind of smart too. Joined a great church community. And got engaged! (This time for real!)

motherfucker!

there, I said it. Happy now?

feels good to be stressed.
i like it.
school stress, i’ll take it over real life stress any day, baby.
you can always talk your way to an extension on a paper, argue a grade, blow off an exam.
but you sure can’t do that with real life, now, can ya.

man, i love school. even if it’s stressing me out, it sure ain’t as tough as actually having to work.
i get to learn! i get to write! i get to discuss and interact and read and all that jazzy stuff.

some of these kids in school are stressing out so much, i kind of just want to kick them in the face, you know?
I look around campus and it kind of frustrates me what an Ivory cocoon the university system has become. It’s like day-care for twenty-somethings. Kind of freaks me out, honestly.

School seems like where all the kids who couldn’t hack it in the real world come to floss up some knowledge, jacking meaningless Masters degrees so they can smoke pot all day and write papers to overanalyze everything. It’s kind of sickening when I look around and realize that all those kids who couldn’t grind, those kids who didn’t hustle, those kids who never had a back-up plan are now my peers.
Which means I’ve become one of them.

Uh-oh.
Has teddy grown soft?
Is teddy a runaway?
What’s teddy hiding from anyway?
—————
So today, I turned in a 32-page paper. I’m pretty proud of myself that I actually sat down and wrote the whole thing. The paper was only supposed to be 20 pages long, but I’m such a sucker for overdoing everything, you know?

Right, in my classroom, whenever a kid overdid a project, like they created a poster and put glitter all over it, or they wrote a song to go along with their presentation, or their folder came stapled with a $100 bill on top, I always gave the kid an A+. Heck, why not, the kid’s gotta learn, if you kiss the teacher’s butt and show that you’re willing to go all out, then of course you deserve the high grade.
I hope my professors respect that same logic too. Cuz I bought one of them a Jaguar for the holidays.