Stuff like this actually exist.

Makes me a little sick to my stomach.

Yellow Fever. Stereotyping Asian women as exotic, sex objects. Commodification of ethnicity into fetish. Post-colonial era sexual conquest fantasties. Disenfranchising of Asian males. Wow, it’s all here.

http://www.meetingasianwomen.com/ 

And someone’s making money off of this?

I used to joke that I had an Asian fetish. But I think I’m gonna stop, because somehow that makes light of a horrific mentality that’s somehow considered normal within our society.

My tongue feels so weird, so light and unencumbered. And my mouth doesn’t make clicky clacky noises anymore either!

I’ll miss you, little toy I used to play with in my mouth. I’ll miss the ways I could pull you out and freak out all the good kids and my parents friends. I’ll miss all the times someone I just met started to categorize me as a certain type of person when they say the metal in my mouth. I’ll miss the random silly girls who were intrigued, and used is as a reason to throw game at me.

But most of all, I’ll miss it because it’s the last remnant of old teddy. The kid I once was, the sketchy, angry kid just trying to figure things out and getting in a lot of trouble along the way. Oh well. Time to grow up. I mean, I am in my 30′s after all.

Ouch.

Darn it, have I abandoned another perfectly good blog again?

It’s that facebook, I tell ya. Who reads blogs anymore when you can just find out what I’m up to on that oh-so-wonderful facebook.

Finding old friends on facebook. Wow! Ain’t it great? Don’t you love it? Isn’t it amazing to see how fat everyone’s gotten? Or how bald? Or how incredibly lame? Ha ha! Oh my. It’s fun to see who’s still fighting hard, who’s sold out, and who’s taken on the mantle of family. I dig it.

But what I don’t dig is having to rehash my last 10 years for everyone. So, imma just gonna do it here, ya hear? Here’s the truth of what I’ve been up to for the last 10 to 15 years since high school.

——————————————————————-

the teddy story, or at least what i remember so far

• Went to Johns Hopkins. Got skinny. Played around with drugs. Made a bunch of silly student films at NYU. Worked as a PA/Intern on various film sets. Got really, really, like crazy-really into the rave scene for a second, you know with the baggy pants and everything. Got some metal in my face. Some more silly tattoos. Met some really amazing people that I’m down with for life. Discovered and recovered from the whole Jungle and Drum and Bass thing. Met a girl that I eventually married. Started a film festival. Became a vegetarian. Went to the magical world of Amsterdam for the first time. Started on that journey to learn each and every single thing about hip-hop. Went to Hong Kong for a while to finish shooting a crappy film that I never finished. Went to Austin for a bit to shoot another silly film that really, really sucked, but I sho nuff did learn a lot from the process. Eventually graduated on the 4.5 year plan.

Hey, it’s me in college!

• Moved to NYC for the hot, hot dot com boom. Worked my first real job at Alltrue, shady little webstie that thought it could take over the world doing what YouTube is doing now, only back in 2000. Got really into the NYC yuppie life: expensive dinners, fine green, gym memberships, clubbing til 4AM, trendy spots for brunch, designer yoga studios, scoping out cheap, authentic ethnic diners, blowing cash for no reason. Went to Amsterdam again, this time with a judge’s pass for the cannabis cup.
• After 9/11, started to seriously think about what the hell I was doing with my life. Helped out with some film festivals after Alltrue died. Got married. Joined the Teaching Fellows and became a middle school teacher. Went through the toughest year of my life, teaching year 1 at I.S. 318 in Brooklyn. Got more into the green to survive. Met my fellow teaching cohort, who I’m bonded to for life. Learned a whole lot about myself, what I believe, how to exert my authority, how to stand up for what I believe in, all that good stuff. Went to Vegas for the best week of my life, nothing but snowboarding, sports, buffets, and beer. Learned how to live in NYC on a teacher’s salary, realizing it’s more fun without the stupid, expensive brunches and $20 cover clubs. Bought a little 1 bedroom condo in Queens. During renovations, started questioning my marriage. Got a masters degree from St. John’s in Queens. Realized that I liked life when it was busy and poor much more than when I was rich and had time to kill. Discovered Pi Day! Separated from my wife and started the long process known as divorce. Started long-distance running. Starting dating in the real world for the first time in my life. Went to Amsterdam for the last time to mourn the death of our life together. Gave up the green. Got a shady yoga certification that taught me a lot about yoga, ayurveda, and my own body. Met a girl that I almost married, but if it weren’t for that fact that I was still married. Went to Japan on a teacher exchange and really started to realize that, hey, you know what, I’m pretty darn good at this education thing.
• Moved to Austin to start a doctorate in mathematics education. Ran two marathons. Found Jesus, for real this time. Reinvented myself as a former teacher, had to stop expecting kids to stop talking just because I’m telling them to. Finally got divorced. Bought a nice, little apartment in Austin. Dated wonderful people that I shouldn’t have. Embraced chastity. Got a new tattoo on my back. Established a daily yoga practice for the first time and realized how much it really opened my whole body and mind up. Slowly came to the realization that I live in Texas. Embraced education research slowly, realizing that it was finally time to grow up and do real work for a living. Met the coolest girl in the world and realized that true love really does just kind of happen. Got fat on all the wonderful and cheap texas food and beer. Met some awesome fellow doctoral students and mentors that made me realize that I’m actually kind of smart too. Joined a great church community. And got engaged! (This time for real!)

I’m 30!

Whoo-hoo!

———————–

No, seriously, I’m really excited to finally be in my 30′s. Now, when I talk down to you and tell you all these sad stories about my life as if I’ve really been around, you might actually take me a little bit more seriously.

Whoo-hoo!

there, I said it. Happy now?

yes yes.

lots of weirdness happening slowly in this world:

• starting to officially get a little worried about my dissertation, even though I have another year to submit my proposal. Still got waaaaay too many ideas popping around, and waaaaay too many amazing and brilliant mentors suggesting all sorts of different things, and hmm . . .  should I use the research data that’s landed in my lap or go out and do my own thang? i dunno. But mark this. The first time I’m starting to get a little stressed about the dissertation.
• Stupid rockets. Gotta say it, the Jazz played a fine, fine game. And in a 7 game series, the best team always wins. I hate to say it, but 2 days later, and I’m joining the Fire Van Gundy bandwagon. Never thought I’d say it, but Yao and T-mac need a run-n-gun coach. Badly. Sometimes I wish they still made NBA Jam, I’d love to play big head mode with Yao and T-mac, going up against Alonzo Morning and Larry Johnson from Charlotte.
• Tick tick tick. Off to LA this weekend to officially start the wedding planning stuff. Oh yeah. Here we go!
• One paper left to write, and I’m finding it hard, hard, hard to concentrate and just do it. What’s up with me? How’d I get so easily distracted? Or rather, how’d I make it this far when I’m always so easily distracted.
• Notorius. Ready to Die’s been in my car’s CD player for over 3 months now, and I still can’t get enough. Dang, it if ain’t every couple years that I rediscover biggie. And it’s always a nice reminder to know that I’m older that he was when he died.
• Facebook. Suddenly, everyone’s all over facebook. Well, except for you, because you suck.
• I’m just gonna say it. Can I say it? Can I? Okay, here goes: Can we get someone else besides white girls interested in teaching? Please?
• Big summer plans, starting to swing into gear. LA this weekend, NYC for the 2 weekends after that, then school for June, then Indiana, NYC again, then a wedding in Maine followed by camping in Acadia National Park. Whoo-hoo! Soy excited. Kinda wanted to hit Oaxaca this summer, but that’ll have to wait.
• The fatness still creeps in. I don’t even wanna step on the scale anymore, cuz it’s shocking. Shocking the amount of weight I’ve gained in the last year. Yes yes, don’t stare. I am a fattee. Can you believe I ran a marathon just 3 months ago?

• 

• Listen to me. Listen. You gonna regret this if you don’t listen. You ain’t gonna find real love until you learn to love yourself. That’s the truth, babydoll. Believe it.
• Watching the Wire’s got me suddenly missing B-more. The crack rock, the murders, the aggressive panhandlers, the institutional segregation, the smell of Old Bay, the crab cakes, the humidity, the city devistated by white flight. Ahh . . . good ol’ Baltimore in the summer.
• So who’s running the baby race with me? Huh? I got 4 months til I’m 30, and I still plan on having 2 kids by then. Any challengers?
• Hey, check out this dope passport picture of me from 2002. I think I look pretty slick. Anna sez I look gay gay gay. I told her to stop being stereotyping and insensitive. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, right? But check out how much I’ve aged in 5 years. Wow, wrinkles, spare tire, it’s all falling apart.

• 

back to NYC this weekend for a social justice in mathematics conference. I’m excited. Yet, kind of annoyed at how shoddily the whole planning of this conference has come together. But honestly, is it possible to pull anything off in NYC without having it look like it’s held together by tape and string?

Wanna see me in the big city? Hit me up? I’m only gonna be in town for the weekend, Thursday night until Monday afternoon.

But . . . me and the fiancee are rolling into town in mid-May. Just a quick heads up.

Oh, here’s another pic, ain’t we a scurry couple?

———————————————————

Much love to all those out there doing real things, showing real love, working for real change, and honestly looking deep into their hearts for the lessons we need to learn from Virginia Tech’s tragedy.

Within the sympathy, the candlelight vigils, the somber mood that academia’s taken, lies a deeper story of pain, unchecked mental illness, feelings of isolation, and systemic racism.

Or do I feel it harder, seeing another Asian-American male reinforce the stereotype of a misunderstood loner, isolating himself from the world and hiding in a self-delusional world of violence and vengeance?

Bah.

It’s late and my writing sucks.

So so so, didja hear? My fiance moved to Austin 2 weeks ago.
Didja hear that? Did you hear that?

That’s the sound of me and her slowly, slowly becoming one of them annoyingly boring couples who you schedule brunch with a week in advance, or casually bump-into at the grocery store and make small talk while wondering why they’re buying so many carrots and jugs of soy milk.

Ahh, yes. Time for a full-fledged outing of good ol’ ridiculously boring, absurdly smiling, no longer answering your phone calls immediately, fat getting, weekend sleeping inning, watching sports center on the dl-ing, waiting around awkwardly at the door of the restaurant for everyone to finish using the restroom before we walk out and officially say, “hey, that was a great time. we should do this again”, relationship style teddy!

Whoo-hoo!

It’s good to be here.

Maybe I’ll go buy myself a new blazer. Yep, cuz that’s what yuppie cupples do! Or maybe I’ll cut little heart-shape designs into the back of my neck!

Ha ha! Honestly, I’m loving it. Loving it. I’m just shocked at how incredibly lame I am when I’m a boyfriend again. Oh, I mean a fiance.

——————————————–

whine, whine, whine. Seems like that’s all we ever duz around these parts, huh?

Let’s talk about something fun!

So, I know I’m like a year late on this. But that Lupe Fiasco, he’s pretty awesome, huh? Wow!

Oh, and those Rockets! Hoo-ha, clinching the playoffs yesterday! Wow!

And that show The Wire, which I finally got to see a couple episodes of. Wow!

Or my impending trip to Chicago, where I get to stay in a sketchy hostel! Woo!

And all the weddings that been popping off in March, like Leslie and Olivers, and Mo and Jasons, and Althea’s little sister who I always forget her name! Wee!

Or Grindhouse coming out this week, which the 19-year old film geek version of me who thought getting high and watching Russ Meyer and Jack Hill all night was almost like seeing God! Wah-wah!

Um, Georgetown! Woh! And, um, Florida! Wer! Oh, and um, St. John’s! (Oh, they didn’t have any sort of post-season. Harumph!)

Okay, that’s enough of this. Weh!

————————————-

Shout out to P, who’s doing great things with her life. It’s time to be single, and she’s doing it, doing it, and doing it well.  You’re living life the right way, girl.

Plus, I ran ran ran almost 20 minutes faster than last year.

Big ups to Alan and Vanessa who ran last year’s with me.

And much love to Mark and Megan who finished the last two miles with me this year.

To tell the truth, I felt great for this whole marathon. I even finished strong, speeding up for the last run, passing all the people around me and sprinting to the finish!

Part of it is the intense training I went through with Rogue (which also made me gain 15 pounds). And also the fact that it was a great day and the course finished in the UT/Downtown area, which led to a lot of familiarity.

Official chip finish time? 4:27.

How about that. Just 7 minutes off my A Goal.

——————————————-

Word up, word up.

Didja know my girl’s moving into town in 2 weeks? Didja know that I went vegan for 2 weeks before the marathon? Didja know that I’m no longer vegan and loving it?

Mmm . . . pizza, ice cream, cheese sticks, yogurt, feta, sour cream, real caramels, milk chocolate . . . . Ahh, I had no idea how much I missed ya.

Oh, btw didja know I’m engaged now? For those who haven’t gotten my hints.

teds

Hey, is that my girl on the subway?

And what’s that on her hand anyway?

————————————–

 Aww, yeah.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.